I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hippo gnu deer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
