NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
