my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
