Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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