Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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