I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
