I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you still have your period?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
