I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
