Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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