we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
