Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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