You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
