dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
