Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
