I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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