wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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