Everything about him screamed your future.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
