im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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