he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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