You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
