i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
