I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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