The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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