Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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