i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
