My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
