Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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