if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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