he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
