When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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