Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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