you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
