This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
