My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
