I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
