It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
