hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
