it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
