I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
