dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
