the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
