I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
