he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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