why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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