You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
