I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
