I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
