Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
