gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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