I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
