We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
