She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
