oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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