he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
