Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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