now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
