I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
