he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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