I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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