im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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