Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My vagina is officially offended.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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