I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
