Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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