I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
