Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
