Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
pop tarts are not kleenex
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
