how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I need to stop coming to work sober
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
