We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
