I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
