i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
