Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
