i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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