please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
