if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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